Saw this great gravestone carving in st Georges church here on Portland, I paused for thought… Sure reminded me of someone I know. Ironic yet painful to see, a stark reminder and an understanding of the issues they face.
Quite a symbolic thing for me to see at this time really. In many ways. :/
Though I am not religious I do believe in source. Something more than we know, more than we realise. But it certainly got me thinking while chatting to another friend who did have a religious upbringing at least till 16 when they decided to change that. This is not a religious post tho… just some thoughts.
Interesting chat though, got me thinking. Them too. 😉
The cross we all bear. . .
Is often not one we chose
Tragic really. . .
Many of us are not how we should be. A good example is I am not meant to be deaf… circumstances created that and it is what it is, no ones fault, just the way it is and something you live with, I am as ok with it as I can be. Not everyone else is though and that hurts most, some can be pretty cruel about it at times. Though I know it says more about them than me. 😉
Many things are more avoidable though.
Circumstances, events shape us in a huge way, more so if it was something at a young age, or something that started at a young age and that’s shaped all levels of thinking and even more so if it caused by pain, pain seems to stick with us in a different way than other emotions and it often damages our emotional intelligence in a big way.
Obvious examples of circumstances that shape us can be growing up in an abusive home, or a deeply religious home, or maybe a drug or alcohol abusive home, or worse, or bad experiences at school, being bullied in general by someone, or maybe falling down a pothole in a quarry!
It’s sad that too often people hurt people. Sometimes very deliberately. It can and does in some cases last a lifetime. 🙁
Adults do it to adults too. . . abusive relationships are too common, all too often they are repeated too. Sadly. This always leads to shaping people.
Shaped in the wrong way
Shaped thinking creates shaped experiences, it can’t be any other way and if it’s bad shaping it will lead to bad experiences.
Thing’s can shape us in a way that we project things onto others from these experiences, more often wrongly than not. The sad part is sometimes the person projecting is not even aware they do it. That won’t change until it’s acknowledged but they would find it hard to accept they do it at all. After all they have sadly suffered from it too and don’t want to be seen as being as bad as that.
But … It’s changed them, completely, and it changes their perception of everyone around them for the worse, whilst killing trust and respect. Two precious commodities in any relationship of any kind. Without which, you have nothing.
You don’t trust or they don’t. . . Broken people creating broken people.
There’s a sad fact that it can lead to repeating the cycle, an abused person becomes an abuser, sometimes with no control over it as that’s all they know and they don’t want be on the receiving end this time, or again, even though they have no real understanding that not everyone is an abusive person, it’s just the only way they can be in control. Sadly.
They will repeat that cycle one way or the other, abuse or end up being abused again, until they admit it, learn how it happens and know what to change, and change it.
No one else can change you, only you, you have to choose it and act on it. Same as you can’t change others. I tried… for their sake which they missed but to no avail. One day they will understand it too. Maybe forgive themselves for it. Instead I change myself. 😉
If someone is trying to help you, don’t throw it in their face, if they are trying then they care. It’s not about making you feel bad about these things, it’s a selfless act of caring.
Forgiving, a major thing
Clinging onto pain. . .it’s never going to help so we have to undertake changes to enable us to not repeat or suffer more of it from the same issues of our past. Not easy… but a must.
One certainty of life is we are all moving forward, all going in the same direction, different speeds but the same direction. . .that’s a fact. If we are to move forward from any bad in life then forgiving has to be a part of it.
Forgiving ourselves is the first step before forgiving others who cause us pain, always.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to be used and hurt. . . so I forgive them doing it.
Forgiving ourselves for holding that pain is the critical one. Once you forgive yourself that pain is actually feeling less already. Never forgetting that forgiving someone really helps the forgiver more than the forgiven as the forgiver then lets go of that pain internally and also not forgetting that the forgiven person may not accept it or even care anyway. Powerful and it has to be done. However hard.
Better still, you don’t have to tell them you have forgiven them if you feel they wouldn’t care then just do it mentally and from the heart. Mean it though. I do.
It’s why you forgive yourself first. Easier to forgive a lesser weighing pain. 😉
Old thinking traps you
This will start a shift in our thinking and we notice it. Very quickly. Your mind will change over time.
If you have ever split up from a partner at any point you will know the old thinking can lead to a spiral of depression, thinking about them all the time etc, dwelling on the loss. Relationships ending can be a real grieving process. Painful.
Old thinking is going to keep us in the old situation and that’s not what we want so we have to change it and that shift from forgiveness will help start to change it. Once it has started we have to let it change and embrace it, slipping back to old thinking or old habits will be detrimental to you and those around you.
It’s no doubt harder to change old thinking when it comes from a religious upbringing as they have had a shaped way of thinking for most of their life, an indoctrination of sorts and we are all aware how powerfully strong that is, especially a lifetime of it.
Religion creates values that one can’t live up to and never have been able to and that is going to lead anyone into a bad place, I have seen it myself in people.
Thankfully I grew up in a non religious home, thinking freely. 🙂 Cheers mum and dad. 🙂
Aligning our reality
A shaped mind creates a shaped reality that doesn’t really exist and it’s going to cause problems for anyone, including those around you, a false reality can never be a good thing, worse when you genuinely consider it to be real. Perception is real, whether it’s truth of reality is a different story.
Unlearning what we know is the main thing in relation to this kind of shaped thinking in my opinion. Question everything. Then question that too. 😉
Having a false reality can also lead one to miss the real power and godliness within ourselves. A huge lesson missed by some in my view. I don’t just mean in religious way itself either. I believe the power of good and bad and it’s nothing to do with religion, all to do with source and our choices! Religion hijacks it, controls it and suppresses it I believe. It is within us naturally.
Chasing something you can never quite reach is a little pointless. Living up to godly ideals forced upon you as a mere person?! ok … not sure how anyone will manage that.
Even worse when you realise that some perceived to be holy people are as far from godly as you could possibly get. Many have been exposed as abusive. They act more like the devil at times, possessed or something. If one believes God exist, so must the other. Right? Doesn’t make them immune to it, never has, never will.
If others tell you your reality is a little off, listen to them. 😉
Sort your perception of reality out, align it to the real reality, whatever it is, I know some religious folk seem to think they are better then others, they clearly miss the part about being humble. Many are huge hypocrites, sadly.
Even liars believe their own lies over time, don’t make the lies truth does it? 😉
Find the real you
Then love that person in the way it diminishes the bad in you, loving self, not ego self, but real self, first means you know love. You can then love another in a way it matters too.
Finding ourselves seems to be quite a difficult thing to do and I’d guess we all grapple with that at times in life (I know I do) … unless you are just a plain nasty person who cares only for own ego…or a self centered narcissist then it’s all pretty helpless. 😉
Empathy counts, and you have to have that for yourself first. Selfish people don’t have much of that, they pretend. They do it very well too. Convincing, for a while.
I found the real us is not always as we think it is, ask close friends and family about yourself and ask for truth… ask what your good points are and bad points and I bet you will be surprised at at least one thing on each side of that equation.
Don’t like what you hear then accept it and change it, don’t show anger or show you are disappointed at the people you ask, or rant in denial as people often do, after all they are doing you a huge favour. . .
Showing you something you never realised, that you can change. 😉
Change them… people can see your faults even if you can’t!
Be that real you. There is only one real you! Hope you find them! 😉
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