I hinted at something recently about an experience I had when I were just a wee lad of 9 and I fell down a pothole.
Daft, I know…
But it was something I didn’t talk of, to anyone, I probably told my mum when I were alot older but that was about it, during my childhood and youth I said nothing… at all.
It became something I grappled with for so long in my own head. In silence.
Recently though, I have had some odd dreams of it all, probably 5 or 6 weeks of it now, I told parents about it when I were there for a Sunday roast, I have not told anyone else this other then parents and one other person.
It also triggered some real vivid memories for me, and that lead to some more odd dreams which actually having thought about it all seems to tie in with that experience I had…
Very profound looking back on it. 🙂 Scared me at the time though.
It was odd …
I never expected that
Well, I never expected any of it to happen, but…
When I fell down that damn hole which should never have been there anyway I thought it was just bumps and jolts I felt as I fell, naturally that’s what any of us would think especially at the tender age of 9. . .
That’s what I thought, at the time of falling, amazing how fast our minds work but then I saw something very odd and I feel odd just saying this so before you send the white coats round, hear me out and tell me what it was if different. 😉
Clearly as I never at the time realised I was falling down a pothole else I wouldn’t have done it, I naturally thought I’d gone over the quarry edge as I hadn’t really spotted the holes on the ledge much. Lucky as I think I’d have fared worse going over the edge, would have landed on an old car or half the junk dumped into it by the street!
Yep, fly tipping was common in 70’s!
But that hole was mud and more mud and like a shaft or slab of stone missing, about 2 ft thick, front to back, but both sides went off to darkness. I luckily landed on a little ledge of some sort.
But… getting back to that experience, as I fell, I really thought it was just bumps and jolts I felt, but looking back I now know different.
Who was that?
As I fell I had an explosion of light in front of me and time literally stopped and all I could see getting clearer and clearer was a strange sort of pair of light people, people but almost translucent in a way, and my heart skipped a beat when I realised one of them was same size as me, then I looked, it had my face.
Frozen there, I saw that light me look across to the other person and I followed their gaze within an instant the face I saw flashed through all the faces of all the people I had ever known or interacted with, though it was fast I saw ALL of them and at the same time, I strangely felt all emotions that happened between us, the pain, pleasure, joy, all of it, but the strongest was the pain…
What? You are probably thinking. . .
Well, any pain I caused to that said person in life, I felt in that moment, and I were facing them too. Everyone I knew, teachers, friends, family, everyone I knew up till 9 years old, the pains felt real, even bad thoughts hurt. yeah… imagine that.
What was going on and where was I? I was suddenly terrified. . .
As much as it felt like time stopped it was over in a flash and I came to, standing up on that ledge, terrified, screaming at the top of my voice… “god get me out of here, I promise I’ll not swear again” … yep, the sort of thing a 9 year old would say, but it mattered … 😆
I looked up to see the light of the hole streaming down on me I saw mums best friend Anna looking down towards me. . . phew.
That was a sight that made me feel good, I knew I was going to get out of there.
Lifesavers and neighbours
The most amazing sight of all greeted me when I got out of that hole with the help of a great bunch of firemen and a thick long piece of rope, that was the sight of all the people in the street stood on the embankment cheering and watching me appear from that hole. Seeing my mum and brothers, a sight I’ll not forget. Nor one they will forget either, me looking caked in mud and such. 😆
After getting out, thankfully with no real damage done, I didn’t mention a word of what happened down there but had vivid dreams of it for years, they were just a replay of what happened, though it never really made much sense to me.
I did ask a few people if they believed in “god” at the time but when they all said no I just never mentioned it again in fear of being ridiculed I guess. No idea why I thought it was anything “god” related just seemed like something to think on at the time.
It was at 16 I started to think about what happened as I had a strange feeling of someone else’s pain, being an empath does that but not knowing you are one don’t help at the time. This strange pain feeling I felt of a friend I had upset was a big clue to me and I considered it to be a lesson.
I thought back on what happened and things seemed to click, it changed alot for me from then onward. Who was it though?
Maybe it was ME after all, my light, my higher being, my god, whatever.
Treat others how you want to be treated
So looking back on it with an older head and looking back on my life and how I am etc…. I got to thinking…
Was that judgement?
Some strange kind of judgement day we have, I mean judgement is not gonna be a god judging you, it’s gonna be you judging yourself. Right in front of those who you are judging yourself over.
Makes sense to me, it did at 16, as anyone knows I’m no bad person, I’ll happily help anyone who needs it etc, treat people with respect, never intend to hurt anyone.
Because I know hurting another is only going to hurt me in the end.
If what happened down there is what I think it is, it will matter someday.
If you are a bad person who treats others bad, what kind of experience will it be for you? On the other hand, someone who is good and decent is going to have a smooth time with that. 😉
Someone like my beloved nan who passed away last year would have had a smooth fast and simple passing of judgement in my opinion.
Makes one think though eh. 😉
Forgive yourself first and now
Forgiveness is a powerful thing and you know something else about it, it has more benefit to the forgiver than the forgiven.
Better to do that now, rather than let it eat away at you then have to face it again anyway at some point but you got to forgive yourself for it first else it will still eat at you, no matter if other person accepts it already.
Trust me, no one will judge you more harshly than yourself.
People can be so cruel in ways they don’t appreciate or realise, it’s disheartening how much one person can effect another and how long that effect can last.
A lifetime even. Sadly.
So, you have to consider other people really, the effects we have on them, they may not be big in your eyes, but to them it could be huge and that’s real pain.
It’s bad enough when someone hurts you, so it’s gonna hurt them one day too, whatever they did to you.
What makes it worse is even when its pointed out to them they dismiss it as if it’s nothing that matters, which is ridiculous because it wouldn’t be pointed out if it didn’t matter!
Or maybe you know the truth about something and they will deny it till blue in the face, or even lie again, or maybe say some reason for something which you know is not true, yet, that just makes the issue worse for you and them. You feel even more let down knowing you are not even worth the truth. Respect is lost, sharpish.
And one day they have to feel that too, they will also see you knew the truth.
Made worse when it’s someone you least expect it from. Life and people can be like that.
Heavy price to pay in so many ways. For all… on many levels.
But you have to be true to yourself, if you are to be happy in any sense while here, if you are just a nasty selfish person who manipulates people, hurts people, or a bully, well, that’s your choice, someday there is a price to pay in some way, however happy you think it makes you now.
The other strange happenings and dreams I will write of next, they tie into this too, they also involves others, so that will be interesting 😉
Please do not send the white coats round. 🙂
Any thoughts? Feel free to comment below…
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