Just thinking aloud here so if it makes no sense.. well ignore it.
I don’t know where I am going with this post but I just feel I need to write it see what comes out.
Several things have me questioning things recently and they are something I have to think about in order to make sense of it, to do something about it.
If I don’t I will just keep on keeping on the way it is going, and I am not sure I want that.
Without boring you with details of this and that, lets just say things are seeming to come to a head with me at the moment and this is not me having a “pity me rant”..far from it..more of a self questioning thing, yet I am going to write it because maybe it will help me..I don’t know.
I had issues with my pc..and that was frustrating to say the least, wasted alot of time today..but hopefully I have that under control now and time will tell.
I think it just fouled my mood a tad..so a bath soon got some stress out, but the bath is also somewhere where I “think”, always has been, maybe its the relaxing state of brainwave..
alpha, beta, zombie, whatever one it is..well anyway it got me thinking about tings.
I admit I was a bit..I don’t know.. not quite emotional, just frustrated, and a little lost..as in why?
One key point was how lonely I feel at times, alot of the time.. normally I don’t let this sort of thinking bother me, the last week I have been a bit ill, so not been out much or anything, being online is one thing I have managed to do.
But I do spend alot of time alone seeing as I live alone.
As alot of you know and the rest of you will now..
I am deaf so this whole net thing just amazes me in a very real sense..but there lies something I should have thought about before, and its made think about it now and that is this is more an amazement at the communication aspect of it, thats why you see me on forums and such, intereacting.
I LIKE forums, they are a trove of valuable info and tips if you look properly and join, ask the questions, give as well as take, help others, advise people.. etc.
But forums are good and bad, can be great for meeting people, I have met some great, fantastic people, yet it is also a time eater..well anyway it isn’t for everyone but I DO use the forums a bit.
Most of you can call each other and such, well messaging and forums, blogs and blog comments is my sort of communication, my phone if you like, there are others who have conferences, brainstorming calls..something I can never do, so what I write is what people read of me, thats the ONLY way I can be characterised.
As you know with writing it is hard to put the right emotion, tone, whatever into the words, hence smileys, it gives you that clue to the context the word is written in.
The mood of the writer when writing that word..
So it is no wonder some people take things wrong, just as I may do with their words etc.
An awkward thing at the best of times..you should be prepared to stand behind what you write though.
Don’t get me wrong their ARE some great forums out there, some great people, you KNOW who you are, but there is the other side too.. LACK of real welcoming vibe and such, cliques and the like without naming any forums or people…YOU know who you are too.
Where I feel most welcome is where I feel LESS constrained..as with anyone, we don’t want rules and bouncers if you like in EVERY room we go into, making the place feel as though its got eggshells on the floor!
I do not go out to insult people or upset people etc, I VALUE the communication aspect far to much.. yet I WILL get involved in heated threads if somene I call a friend gets insulted etc…so I should.. what sort of friend would I be if I didn’t?
It also means I get LESS done than I should, yet I do get alot of vistors to this blog from forums, nice to know people will read my stuff..
I am glad of that, so the forums have that added benefit but the visitors wouldn’t be here on this blog if they didn’t think I had anything of interest to say..and if I didn’t post on forums..they wouldn’t see my link..a circle there?
Yet I DONT go to forums to get traffic, I go there to see people I like, and to learn something as well as contribute, to communicate.
I know most of those that read this DO like me as a person and that IS great.
I try to be as much like I am online as I am offline.
I am a blogger and a forum user…simply put.. next is more sites etc, but do I curtail the forums in order to free up more time to build sites?
Do I want to feel even MORE lonely than I do anyway?
Do I want to lose touch with people, even if only partly?
A BIG part of me doesn’t..
That causes another issue.
I don’t earn anything from it.. I don’t get food on the table from it.
I don’t use time well enough to do what I should, so.. it has to be less posting on forums, and in some ways I guess it should a be a good thing for my income.
Earning money is NOT my main priority online I now realise but it has to happen in order for me to STAY online and live reasonably.
If I did earn from this blog then I guess I wouldn’t be writing this part.
So I guess I have to stop posting as much to the forums and do more of what is NEEDED to earn something.
I know that on a few forums when I AM there they liven up.. and get busy and from the comments I have had, they are glad I AM there, but it will have to be less posting from now.
But isn’t it strange………
If I wasn’t my usual nice self and used controversy I would probably be earning from this blog….
It seems you need to be a jerk and tell people to f**k off and such to get such traffic and results.
An odd world indeed…
Seems to make me question whether it REALLY is worth it?