Signs are everywhere in life… 😉
The warning signs are often the strongest and too important to ignore especially in relation to people. Gut instinct is always right and you should listen to it, always. Everyone knows your gut has no reason to lie to you.
I’m sorry I didn’t take more notice of mine over the years as it was correct everytime. Every single time. Even with friends over the years, right back to school.
Some have not changed a bit at their core. You will notice it yourself once you realise the traits and patterns, they will fit with people you know and some will completely surprise you.
The problem is we don’t like to judge people early yet we will do it anyway, we make snap judgments naturally based on first impressions, even if we knew the people we don’t know them like we think we do. They project what they want you to see.
Patterns start to appear as we get to know them better and these refine our judgment, at times it can turn 180 degrees and they cause it but they don’t realise it! That’s a big shift!
What’s interesting now is the fact we have all the information at our fingertips to help us understand people and their traits better, which will help us deal with different people better in our lives, now and in the future, in any given situation.
Surely it’s an important thing understanding people better, for your own self preservation. Yet we rarely utilise this wealth of information.
Why is that?
I think I have an idea why … and is there a catch 22? …
Arrogance of people
We are all arrogant in a way, mainly we think we can deal with anything and anyone in life and the truth is we can’t always do this.
It could be circumstances that make it hard for us to deal with some people, for example it could be your boss, co workers, someone you have to deal with whether you want to or not, so we struggle, we learn the hard way.
My own arrogance in this thinking has been a mistake and one I have learned from in a good way as I would never underestimate others like I have in the past and now know I should deal with it the right way at earliest possible moment. 😉
Sadly I trust very very few people now.
On the flip side …
Some people do have a staggering arrogance about them anyway and think they are the best thing since sliced bread. Constantly bigging themselves up and boasting even with lies.
These people won’t change, they wouldn’t want to, so the less we deal with them the better, yet if you have to deal with them then surely it’s better to understand how to do that effectively to cause minimal stress to yourself.
Once you realise the traits and habits of these types of people you can apply little things that will eventually cause them to interact less with you, in other words they take their arrogance elsewhere. 😉
So, don’t be so arrogant to not read up on, whether by books or online, about how to deal with arrogant people … it could save you a ton of hassle and you could turn it to your own benefit. 😉
Fear of the mirror
We are all mirrors, yet more than that we are all a little in fear of your own reflection of what’s inside. There are things about ourselves we do not like, all of us have this, yet we don’t realise we actually project these onto others and that’s how we see them if we take notice.
Our mistake is thinking the other person is like that, they’re not, it’s you. 😉
Understanding this is easy if you have ever dated a cheater, they will demand you never flirt with others, or constantly ask if you ever cheated on anyone and even when you say no they won’t believe you.
Then you catch them cheating! Because you also knew they were going to cheat as they projected it onto you… be careful what others project onto you and deflect it.
See how that works… they know how easy it is to be a cheat so project that fear onto you thinking you must find it that easy too and will cheat too. That gives them in their own minds the go ahead to cheat. So they do! … Sly and stupid… yep. 😉
Projection is a big problem with people, telling someone you will not do such and such things as you project these fears, if you do that to someone who knows this stuff they will know you will do exactly what you said you wouldn’t.
I saw this myself when someone said something to my own mother and then went and did them exact things they said they wouldn’t. All ok though, mum and I can laugh and learn from it, it didn’t shock us to be honest. Only who the person saying it surprised us, at the time. Not now. 😉
On the flip side …
It pays to be honest, because you never need worry about slipping up over previous things said or done, truth is a constant, it doesn’t change. Shame liars can’t grasp this. Truth always outs. So why bother trying to beat it? 😉
To learn about liars, cheats, manipulators, narcissistic, sociopaths, etc etc, and just generally horrible people and traits, we may well see a few small slithers of a few traits in ourselves, better we can know and work on them though and we can do that, eliminate them as they are small traits.
Don’t be so scared to look at yourself in the mirror. 😉
Try youtube as well to learn of these types of behaviours and the people who show them and then you can spot the traits early. The benefit of youtube is you get a big variation of examples but all have similar stories to tell. Interesting, especially about narcissistic people.
I promise you will have interacted, dated, known a narcissistic person. I am quite shocked how common they are and quite disturbed at how devious they are, especially covert ones who always play the victim, even as far as to lie in a huge way, to manipulate.
They then quickly move on to the next victim. Repeat the cycle. Sly. Devious. Selfish.
Traits more than people
The traits are what make a person, their attitude and how they treat you, as that is all you can really judge them for. But you will also feel they have always been that way to a degree so it also cast doubts on all that’s gone before. That’s where liars fall so badly and once a liar always a liar!
Not a trait to be proud of. Some shamelessly lie through their teeth if it will make their games more interesting or make them look good and right… to certain people, the problem is truth always outs.
If your partner is a cheat when you meet them and worse you are the one they cheat with, it’s unlikely they will not cheat on you. How do people miss that so easily when it’s so obvious?!
Such a glaringly obvious truth!
If someone lies to you about others and you actually know it, how can you trust they will not lie about you to others? You cant.
On the flip side …
We all have traits, some good some bad, up to us to work on them if we recognise them in ourselves. We may not like what we see but better to see it and change it.
People don’t change without changing traits, that’s a fact of life, traits and habits. Many people are manipulative in little ways but the thing that matters is whether we manipulate for good or bad, for selfish or unselfish reasons.
Some traits we need to get by in life, many are traits that allow you do the job you do so we can’t change some traits we have but we can choose when and where and with whom them traits are used. 😉
Creatures of habit, all of us, therefor liars and cheats and users and bullies and all these bad traits people have become habits they simply can’t change or don’t want to because that’s their “control” mechanism. Sadly they become known for it too, so it’s even less likely to be changed.
Can only change yourself
That’s a truism if there ever was one …
No matter how you try you will simply never change someone else, you may influence them and inspire them to change but they choose it and choose what to change, you just hope it’s the right thing but one thing is if you see change in someone and it’s a good one tell them, you will inspire them to change more.
Forcing change will not happen, if you try you will end up getting super frustrated and it will be a waste of your energy. Precious energy at that. Emotional energy … even if you know it will benefit them more than anyone else, you will still waste time and energy.
Accept some people don’t want to change, they don’t see what they are like as anything wrong, even if it is pointed out to them by several people as I have seen recently with someone. They simply refuse to see the truth. Because it hurts them.
Sometimes you have to say, well, they won’t change so I will let them get on with it, sometimes it can hurt to do that depending on who it is and the nature of the relationship you have.
It could be a family member, a best friend, a partner, whatever it is, if you are prepared to accept them as they are great, if not, you won’t change them so better off learning to care a little less, harsh but it means it effects you less.
As I say, if someone does make changes, then encourage that and acknowledge it, appreciate it, you have no idea what it took for them to make that change.
On the flip side …
We all have things we can change for the better and making them changes are going to benefit ourselves if we make them. If you are unsure what you should change ask others who know you well, you may not like them truths but you have a chance to make a change so take it.
Take it on board, change and grow.
If you make changes, accept some people will never see or appreciate them changes in you, even if you did it for their benefit … they can too self absorbed to notice or care.
The main thing will be you notice it and others will notice it, you become a better person all round anyway. If the particular person you originally changed for doesn’t notice and appreciate it, so what, you’ll not care after a while. 😉
Changes from within create the biggest changes outside of you. Seriously.
Some will just change for the worse because they can never see their own faults within, choosing to blame everyone else for anything they do so will only get worse as the net of people they interact with gets bigger, the perception also widens.
They end up messing other people up too. Surprisingly childish these people are… that truth I just learned of someone.
Cut them out… 😉
Be the best true you
Everyone has good points and traits, no one is all bad, surely?
I would agree with that the problem is the bad traits can overwhelm, the good things get obscured and clouded to the point you no longer see them.
This happens in relationships, at first all you see is the good and over time you see the real person as they are good and bad, towards the end you only see the bad and they only see the bad, sadly. Shame we forget what we originally saw in them that attracted us to them in the first place.
Getting rid of the bad traits and growing over time is what leads to good harmonious relationships surely? Growing as a couple while making changes as a person.
If it all starts off with friction from day one obviously there is nothing that will make the relationship work without changes.
Fast. I just seen a friend have a terrible start to a relationship after so long being chased by the other person, simply because the real person was hidden from them in the chase, a false projection of reality, they literally create a fake reality someone buys into.
If someone give you bad vibes from day one of knowing them it’s unlikely it will ever change unless you both acknowledge it and change things. . . no matter what the nature of the relationship is.
By encouraging good traits you see in people and ignoring their bad traits you will be teaching them something about themselves, from within. 😉 They become more of the good self and at times not on purpose, and people will see this, even them hopefully.
On the flip side …
As we know we can only change ourselves we should listen to anything said about us from wherever it is said with an open mind and not take the criticism in the wrong way, if someone cares about you they will be honest to you and that is what counts, no matter how much it hurts you, you will think about it. May not like it but you will see it’s a truth in time.
I know people with certain traits, narcissistic people for example hate to be told what they do wrong, they even hate to be called a narcissist because they don’t believe they are, yet their actions prove they are. So if they are one, you will waste your time.
But if you can take on board what others say are your bad traits, you can change it. You can be a better you a more true you. Who wouldn’t want that? 😉
Too many are fake and project far too much of what they are not in reality. You can’t keep that up forever with anyone as your true colours will always show, eventually.
We all go out the same way, life is short, so, how do you want to be remembered? 😉
Be the real and best you you can be… and live it.
Learn about traits and types of people and prepare yourself better for dealing with them, you have a world of information at your fingertips to make the most of and there are many ways to learn, videos, books, blogs, websites, forums, etc. . . just be aware you will see things of yourself you should change. 😉
Learn the lesson from people too, I am thankful I recently learnt a huge one, but feel it’s a shame they never learned what they needed to learn from me, I think it was an important one too… Oh well… their loss, doomed to repeat the bad they have. 🙂
Please share this post with others. 😉