Well as you can see I have been a little absent here lately, for good reason though I may add, felt as though I was in a free fall and was unsure what would catch me, thankfully my youngest son comes to the rescue in more ways then one.
Several weeks ago, about the time of the last post here my youngest brought home something from school, then brought it here for me, something that got me thinking and taking action.
Smoking… and giving it up!
One of the main reasons I have done little recently is the fact I needed to break my habit of smoking while at my pc and forming a short habit (on way to stopping obviously) of smoking in one room in the home only, namely the kitchen.
As a non drinker smoking has always been my one and only vice, one I am determined to stop for good, I know from past attempts it’s going to be really hard to do and I accept that, that is the challenge I face.
Gradually I have cut down a huge deal over the last 3 weeks to a month and I already feel a bit better for it.
The main thing that rives me is not just the fact I don’t wont my sons losing a dad early, but the fact my sons support me in giving up, that support is the main motivator which has surprised me somewhat.
I do of course want to see my sons have kids and for that to happen it’s important I take this shit seriously and give up.
Breaking my usual habits, where and when I do smoke is going to be the main thing to keep plugging away at.
I am on my way to being an ex smoker!
But that’s not all which has changed, I’ve also took the opportunity to take a step back and evaluate where my life is heading and where I want it to be heading.
Detaching myself from all this “stuff” I do and looking at it objectively it really opened my eyes.
I have learnt alot about myself these last few weeks.
On the whole, I am now aiming where I want to be aiming and not where I thought I wanted to be aiming…
Nothing is set in concrete in life, we have way more power of control than we probably realise.
To that end the biggest issue I have been dealing with is my mindset, we are who we are because of what goes into our minds, yet we are the ones who decide what goes into that space between our ears.
That for me means cutting out the negative crap, the news for example, who I interact with, online and offline, after all it’s all influence.
The big lesson for me is the sheer ease of how things, people can influence moods.
I don’t wanna be pissed off, annoyed, snappy, so I have cut off what was making me that way, with the giving up smoking it’s vital I keep control of my moods.
With that in mind I have been ruthless in cutting off certain people, (although they are friends) on places like facebook, people I have known most of my life and people I have no issues with other than they way I react to what they say or do… I had to do it.
A few were annoyed with me and said as much, that’s ok, I respect that but I am not going to allow it to bother me anymore, one or two berated me for cutting them off, which I found a little odd, as if they had this sense of “entitlement” and I must be friends with them.
As I said before, no offence to them, I have my own life and issue to deal with and this is part of that!
The ones who matter are my sons, they are the ONLY people with this “entitlement” as far as it goes with me.
If that bothers some people, tough.
So, while I have now got a real grip on smoking on one room, having broken the worse habits I have regarding smoking I feel I can get back into the swing of things online but with much better focus and intent.
In other words, not wasting time on the wrong places, building content where it matters, moving in the direction I now know I should in order to make things better overall.
Life IS short… to short to be wasting it on meaningless crap and wasting what precious time we do have.
Did I miss anything?
Grab the button.
Rob, this is great. I am so pleased that you have the sentiments you have regarding your boys. I know, only too well, the impact losing a father can have on a child and I congratulate your son for bringing it to your attention. I also congratulate you because you are the only one who can bring about his wishes in this particular situation, well done mate. This is a great blog and I hope others take note from it and do likewise, ie give up the 'coffin nails'.
Thanks Sylv,
I am determined to stop with these "coffin nails" as you called them ;o)
I am too glad my nipper brought them home, the fact he knew and supports me with it made the difference, not needing a man in a white coat telling me it's bad, we all know that, a massive difference when your own child says, "Dad, can you stop with them things" and knowing he meant it.
So I am going to stop.
)
Thanks for the comments on the blog too, need to do a few things to improve it and I will too.
Rob
read a;; of this Rob not sure I agree with all of it but sure your outlook is right for you though not necessary for everyone what you have said is we all have the choice and if your son has helped you to choose not to smoke good on you I am and will remain a heavy smoker however I have always discouraged others to smoke not on any health grounds purely financial ones. My argument on health is my eldest sister having never smoke despises drink and all that do has always taken art in sport and to a degree still does has exactly the same heart condition as me you see for us it is Genetic not aggrevated by our habits. I can emember my kids bringing home similar from school as indeed I expect you did also mostly I find this propoganda instilled to and by government by its health advisers etc
Hiya Pete,
I can see where you are coming from there too, it's funny because smoking as I said is the only vice I have, never been a drinker, nevertheless lately I found myself disliking smoking itself, never used to feel that way so I am going to make the most of that feeling and see if it helps with stopping, if so, that's great.
I think the monetary reason is a valid one as it is a stupid waste of money. None of us in our right minds would sit there ans set fire to fivers… (£5 notes to those who are puzzled).
Another thing we are the only ones of the whole animal kingdom who willingly poison ourselves!!
How silly is that!?
/
The main positive out of me smoking is neither of my sons are likely to smoke, they notice all the bad things, due to neither their mum or her partner smoking their home smells clean, fresh…unlike mine did.
They also notice the waste of the money.
They have also got females friends who probably smoke and it is likely to seem unattractive too.
Hopefully neither of my lads will smoke.
)
Hopefully they have more sense than their dad did!
Rob
Now all of you reply I can agree with I remember having been in hospital for a weel Sue leant over to kiss me and I said to her have you just had a cigarette she said no why I could smell it in her hair ugh. Some of my grandchildren smoke but thankfully most of them do not in my growing up it was such a everyone does habit probably kept me a bit calmer as well not sure about that. I f I had a penny for every fag I have smoked how rich a man I would be eh Rob? Sue ironically leaves for work 08.00 often untill17.00 and at times later she does not take her cigarettes with her and yet somehow can not take the last step to stopping all together she has been teatotal for a number of years now so with all the stress she has to contend with has proven in the end to be stronger than me. Thats why I still love her she has remained her own person guided but never forced by me
Hi Rob
I'm sure your boys already know how you feel about them, but if they read these blogs they'd know exactly how you felt. I admire you for being able to put down in black and white exactly how you feel that that is a gift in itself. Recently you have sounded more unhappy on FB but hope that will now change.
Try hard with the non-smoking and by changing your smoking habits I'm sure you'll beat it. Just remember every time you feel like a cigarette the disappointment your children will feel and may be that will also help.
Like you said, your boys need you to be around. I know what it's like to loose a dad young and would never wish for anyone to ever go through that.
Keep your chin up, stay happy and STOP PUFFING!!
)
Thanks.
Love my lads more than life itself, so it matters a big deal.
I was a bit unhappy here there and everywhere, mainly because I realised ALL the control is in my own hands, I just didn't DO.
That's not good enough, I don't need influences that are down right crap making it worse either, so that's why I decided to be firm and act.
I don't know any other way than to lay it out in black and white, indeed at times that's caused issues, problems, pissed people off, but I am not going to lie about things.
Never going to be remembered as a liar, or shy that's for sure!
The ball is in my court.
)
Rob
well done you i wish you all the best with it!!!